The Worst Contract in Baseball

The past few days seemed to have inexplicably erased the last 3 miserable months of baseball for many Red Sox fans.  The Sox had won three straight and 9 out of 14…”here they come, they’re making a run now” some people said.  My only responses to that are…stop drinking the bong water, and remember  it’s puff, puff, PASS.

In all seriousness, this team is an utter joke, so let’s pump the brakes on any good vibrations that are being built up right now.  Yes, I’m talking to all you Sox fans who have a little Pedey in your pants because they won a few games in a row.  But this isn’t an article about how OVER the Sox season is…that should be understood by now.  This is about something that this afternoon’s game reminded me of…that the Red Sox made the WORST INVESTMENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE FRANCHISE THIS YEAR.  Three words:



What a hot bag of garbage this guy is.  The contract extension that Red Sox management gave him this season will inevitably go down as the worst contract (at least to-date) in the history of this franchise…and that’s saying something (yes I consider it worse than each of these masterpieces:  Carl Crawford @ 7yrs $142M, John Lackey @ 5yrs $82.5M, JD Drew @ 5yrs $70M, Julio Lugo @ 4yrs $36M and Dice-K @ 5yrs $52M).  Let’s get to the details…

The Sox acquired Porcello this offseason from the Tigers for Yoenis Cespedes.  Seemed like a solid move.  Both guys in the last year of their respective contracts and the Red Sox had a plethora of outfielders with a HUGE, gaping hole in their entire pitching staff.  So far we’re good – no major objections.

Then, for a reason that I will NEVER, EVER understand, the Sox decided to sign Porcello to a 4-year contract extension for $82.5M.  That’s right, $20.6M per year, for a guy who at the time had not pitched a single inning in a Red Sox uniform.  The contract was signed before Porcello even made a start this season, which begs the question…WHY NOW??  Why not wait until the guy actually pitches for you and you figure out if he can hack it in this market (one that quite frankly has made much better pitchers than Rick Porcello crumble under the pressure).  Instead, they panicked after losing Lester in the offseason and having nothing to show for it long-term.  So they gave a massive contract extension to a starting pitcher who doesn’t strike anyone out (because he’s a sinker-ball pitcher), had a career win-loss record of 76-63 coming into this season (worse now), and a career ERA coming into 2015 of 4.30 (much worse now).  That’s right, 4.30…if that is now validation for a $20M/Year contract, then every young boy in the world should be picking up a baseball and learning to throw.

I didn't get it either man
I didn’t get it either man

I know what they were hoping for…Porcello is only 26 years old and coming off his best season (also his only season with a sub-4 ERA), so management was hoping to lock him up before his prime.  It makes sense conceptually.  The issue is that securing him for his “prime” doesn’t mean anything when that’s just securing 4 more years of a mediocre (and that’s being REALLY generous) pitcher.  Management must have been hoping for the best case scenario instead of being realistic about who this guy really is, because I would hope that any of their scouts could easily point out that he lacks elite stuff.  He’s not a front-of-the-rotation pitcher…and that’s what you expect when you pay a guy $20+ million per year.

I really wish someone had given Sox management this advice before they signed that deal
I really wish someone had given Sox management this advice before they signed that deal

So how has the return on that $82.5M investment fared so far? Well, he hasn’t won a game since MID MAY, so needless to say it’s been a disappointment. Porcello’s stat line this season is just brutal…

4-9 record with a 6.08 ERA, 1.40 WHIP and only 75 strike outs in 94.2 innings pitched.

He’s also given up a whopping 16 home runs this season…did you see the absurd jacks that Encarnacion and Justin Smoak hit off him today?  Those blasts might not have landed yet.  Fun Fact:  Porcello ranks dead last among American League starting pitchers in ERA (among those that qualify based on innings pitched) and 97th out of 98 pitchers in the entire Major Leagues.  Everyone as excited as I am to watch 4 more years of this trash?

Only solution is to drink heavily while watching this bum…maybe we can make a drinking game out of it!  Every time he gives up a run you finish your beer or mixed drink.  Every time he gives up a homer you take a shot.  That’s a sure-fire way to get really f**ked up, and probably the only way you’re going to convince people to watch his starts.

This is what Sox fans will look like on Porcello's starts
This is what Sox fans will look like on Porcello’s starts for the next 4 years

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